Lovers Anonymous

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Jack stood up abruptly, “I’m sorry Xavier but my decision is final. There are no other options on the table.” Jack waited for me to stand. I rose slowly to my feet but I couldn’t believe this was happening. Once I was standing, Jack came around the desk and put his hands on my shoulders. “Xavier, you’re an incredibly bright young man. Don’t throw your future away. Get help.” I was speechless. Jack led me to his door, opened it and gave me a firm handshake. “Good luck Xavier.”

After an awkward pause I managed two words, “yes sir,” turned and walked away. I was too stunned to be angry. All I knew was that I had to get the hell out of there.

I went to my office and sent an email to my staff advising them that I was taking the rest of the day off. My motorcycle had been stolen a week earlier and it was taking a while to get a new one issued to me so I called Jean and requested a driver to take me home. I explained that it was urgent and that I didn’t care about the new director’s updated policies and procedures. I needed a driver and I needed one immediately. Half an hour later, Jean called to tell me that a driver was waiting for me in the parking lot. I shook my head, “the fucking parking lot?” I wanted to give Jean a piece of my mind but I understood that he didn’t want to get in trouble. The parking lot wasn’t visible from Jack’s office. Once we got under way I was tempted to stop for a drink but I decided against it and went straight home.

That night I went to the Flamenco. I was determined to drink as much as I wanted and be at work on time the next day. I didn’t have a fucking drinking problem! I just had to be more careful and not drink on an empty stomach. Better nutrition, more rest, exercise, not push myself so hard at work, if I did all those things I’d be fine. Of course having a fucking girlfriend who understood me would be nice too. But fuck Liz. Fuck all the bitches!!! I didn’t need them.

As I sat brooding over a tumbler of Jack Daniels, Bryan came over and sat across from me. “You OK Xavier?”

I looked at Bryan. He’d been my friend for many years. If there was anyone I could talk to it was him. “Let me ask you something Bryan, do you think I’m an alcoholic?”

Bryan smiled, “No Xavier, I don’t think you’re an alcoholic…” Bryan’s smile became a grin, “…you’re just a good old-fashioned drunk!” And with that he burst into raucous laughter. It took Bryan a while to realize I wasn’t laughing. Once he did, he put a hand on my shoulder, “don’t worry buddy, I’m just an old-fashioned drunk myself so that makes two of us.”

I forced a laugh, but there was nothing funny about Bryan’s comment. He had described me perfectly; alcoholic was too fancy a label for me, I really was just an old-fashioned drunk; exactly the type of person who would sleep on the sidewalk. Bryan offered me a zombie on the house to cheer me up. I gladly accepted it but after just a few more drinks I went home. I needed booze more than ever, but I just couldn’t enjoy it like I used to.

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